Actually, I think the restless energy is trying to escape something else

Written 9/24/21

I'm here in a city now, in my little bedroom with my laptop, wearing my partner's hoodie, and the city didn't fix me. The music didn't fix me, what almost freed me held my lungs too tight and now I am coughing, dizzy-head-spinning and realizing that's the only thing I have left to escape.

i don't know how I got here 

i don't know how to get back

I speak evenly, I turn my head when I cry, the red on my cheeks is
just the acne medication but inside

I am shaking and my hands are shaking and
my eyes unfocus and why can I see my glasses I
usually don't see my glasses but my brain is seeing and
my skin is feeling and there are things
touching me and I want them
gone I want them to stop and I
shut my eyes and cover my ears and I
breathe and I cry and maybe 

it passes
I open my teary eyes
The sandcastle of my body is crumbling but
The sand is still there
I have some water and patch it back together