Written 3/17
I am tired of being talked over.
I'm a person, and as such I have a right to express myself. I have as many thoughts and feelings as you do. I recite them in my head, prune and perfect, until I have something to say. It's an important something. I raise it to my lips and wait for the moment to send it into being.
But my moment never arrives. There is no half-second of silence for me to speak in. I am too polite to cut someone off, because what if they spent the time I did creating what they had to say, and I interrupt them saying it? My words wait. They try to hide their disappointment.
Sometimes someone notices and saves me. I am grateful for those times.
But on the other hand, I want to speak without feeling like the whole world hinges on what I have to say. I don't like the stares and focus and silence after I've finally managed to get everyone else to shut up. I search for what I had to say, and the perfection slips through my fingers. What makes it into the world is a slim shadow of my ideas. I had my chance, and then it ended, and I am left wordless.
Ahhh, I felt this to my core.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am sorry, that feeling is terrible.
You have a voice, and just because others sometimes don't listen doesn't mean you're mute, it means that they are deaf.
There is a guy I know, he is brilliant, his words are deep and I can tell that he thinks about what he says very carefully before he says it, but so often he is ignored when we're in larger groups.
What he says is beautiful, and I always try to listen to him when he speaks and make eye contact so he knows that what he says is valuable, even if the way others act make him feel differently.
It upsets me that people are treated that way, it upsets me when I am treated that way, and it upsets me when I find myself treating others this way.
It's terrible and I'm sorry that you are going through it or have gone through it, just know that the people worth your time and words will hear them. <3
Wow, this cut deep! Yet I think it is true- by the time I say something, it has already faded to only a a dim copy of what it originally was. But the people who truly care listen.
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